|If you missed yesterday's post, click here.|
YES! We are expecting a little one October 22nd.
|This was our first ultra sound at 6 weeks, 1 day|
|6 weeks, 1 day|
Just for my own sake, I am going to recap this little story here about how it all happened--well, you know how it happened ;) but the other deets. Some of this is a little personal and maybe too "girly" for some of you, so if you're offended by "girl things" I wouldn't read any further!
We have planned on trying for kids right after our wedding for a long time now. We would kind of bounce around the idea of when exactly, but knew it would be sometime soon--as did everyone else we talk to. So right around our wedding day (just a few days before) I was due to ovulate and we REALLY considered trying then. After talking to my cousin who assured me our entire family is as fertile as can be, and thinking about our wedding in a few days and the boozing that goes along with that--plus our 2+ weeks in Bora Bora to follow, I realized that probably was not good timing. Alcohol would be a big no no obviously, but I also wanted to take sleeping pills on the long plane rides and didn't know if that would affect anything, so alas, we decided against it and said we'd try in January instead.
Well we got home from our trip and I started having mixed emotions about children suddenly. I wasn't sure if THIS summer was going to be ideal for being preggo and thought maybe we should wait. An hour later, I wished I was already pregnant. I was like this for WEEKS; literally back and forth every 5 minutes.
In the meantime, since I was so unsure, I went ahead and scheduled a consultation with my OBGYN to just go over things and make sure it was ok to begin trying (that's the responsible thing to do, right?) and also started taking prenatals.
And since clearly I had no real idea of what I wanted, I literally prayed every single night that God would just make the decision for me. Either I am ready to have kids or I am not. My life is missing something or it is not--either way, I knew the decision he made would be exactly what I needed and I would be completely satisfied with either, honestly. I know that may sound so bizarre to some people but he hasn't steered me wrong yet, so why not ask for guidance in this too?
So we tried; one month.
As Kanye would say "I've been talking to God for so long that if you look at my life I guess he's talking back" haha you didn't think I'd quit with the gansta rap did you?!
Anyway, God had apparently made a decision for me, just as I had prayed for. I was due to start my period on February 10th and with no signs of it rearing it's miserable head on the day it was due (I am usually like clockwork) I knew something was up. I already had a gut feeling, but this made it reallllly sink in. I asked Ryan to stop by the store on the way home from work that night and buy pregnancy tests.
Since I knew we'd be trying for a couple months, I told him to buy one big pack of one brand (as in 20 Clear Blue or something) and then a single of another brand, just in case one said positive I could test with another brand.
Well, he got home and I just couldn't stand the thought of waiting until my "morning pee" to test so I just did it. I opened up a box and realized something wasn't right..these looked different. HE HAD BOUGHT A FERTILIZATION KIT. Oooooh my goodness, I think we laughed for 20 minutes. He was SO proud of himself for picking out exactly what I had asked for and even told me he looked at them for like 10 minutes to make sure he got the right thing. Hahah, boys, boys, boys. Clearly this fertilization kit wasn't going to do me any good but he had bought another brand of pregnancy tests and this was actually right so I tested away.
In the mean time, I had always wanted to set up a video camera to "capture the moment" so I went to get our camera out and set it up. The battery was still dead on it from our honeymoon and after searching for our other camera (that was still in my carry on) and not being able to find it, I finally gave up and thought surely it won't show positive the first time we've ever tried anyway; we'll get it on video the next time. Ha!
So since we don't have a video to relive this, I will try to describe it to the best of my recollection. And yes, I cried for DAYS about that video not working and still am tearing up just thinking about not having it :(
I walked into the bathroom a few short minutes later and just as clear as could be, the test read "pregnant".
In a panic, I instantly turned off the bathroom light and started saying "Ryan! Oh my God!" over and over and over. I had my hands over my mouth and was in complete and utter shock. I remember him saying "Aud don't tease me!" and I was trying to get the words out that I wasn't teasing but they just weren't coming out. He walked back to the bathroom, switched on the light and said "You're pregnant?! Oh my God!" I instantly put my head into his chest, hands to eyes, and just started bawling.
I'm not even sure why I was crying exactly, but I kept telling him how scared I was. Looking back now, I think it was definitely a mixture of scared, excited, happy, nervous, anxious, every emotion possible all bottled up into one life changing second that was pouring out as tears and showing up as "pregnant" on a Clear Blue.
|Look how dark that first line is on the bottom test...holy hormones!! This was just on day ONE of a missed period :S|
He kept wiping away my tears and telling me everything was going to be ok all while trying to contain his own emotions. It was definitely an emotional moment in this household.
The rest of the night was spent in utter panic I think. I was literally freaking myself out and causing stomach cramps from being so nervous. I mean, IIII am the girl who literally was hyperventilating for HOURS because I thought I lost a tampon inside me and then went to the hospital only to find out I had never put one in. (This was only a year ago hahah) So to think a BABY was growing inside my stomach was completely unfathomable at this point.
I mean, yes, I was excited, and yes, it was exactly what we had hoped for, but you can never really plan for the moment that it actually happens.
For the next few days I would go from over the moon excited, to absolutely scared to death. I downloaded an app on my Ipad and then refused to look at it anymore because it didn't look like a child at this point and I was scared to see what my body was doing--I'm that illogical. I also bought MORE pregnancy tests and took several of them, just to be sure (crazy much?) and I also consumed my nights with too much television to take my mind off of what my body was doing.
During this time I also got several of my Dr. appointments set up. This is a "high-risk" pregnancy (due to a blood disease) which basically means I am seeing two different Dr's...I am seeing my regular OBGYN and also a Perinatal Dr. in DM--who I sooooo don't mind seeing, he is GORGEOUS ;) I was sweating just looking at him the first time we met :)
So after a few days/close to a week and several gallons worth of tears, the nervousness started to wear off and excitement began to set in. My best friend bought me a "What to Expect When You're Expecting" book that made everything seem more normal--there are actually other women out there who are scared too, weird huh? And Ryan was as supportive and positive as he could possibly be which helped tremendously.
So I kept busy and was finally seeing past the weirdness of something growing in my belly, and realizing that we would have a baby in our arms within 9 months--how crazy is that? Something we had talked about and dreamed of for years--only it was really happening...now.
And when you get to hear and see your baby's heartbeat at just 6 weeks and 1 day old, you realize how crazy this entire thing is and just how blessed you really are...
**I tried putting the video up but I don't know how to edit all my personal information off of it, so instead I put up a short video of the heartbeat i took the other night (at over 12 weeks) using my at home doppler I bought--seriously the best purchase ever! I listen to this little one every morning when I wake up and every night before bed.
I can honestly say I never in a million years would have thought my life would be THIS perfect. I realize nothing is ever perfect and maybe I'm naive to think this way, but it seems pretty perfect right now and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Everything I have wished for, prayed for, and dreamt of is unfolding exactly the way I had hoped. This year, this moment, is the best moment of my life.