First, let me give you a little background information. I, me, Audrie Sue Paris, have always been the girl with a boyfriend or close friend somewhere near. I am the girl that calls up a friend to go to Target, or makes a friend go to Casey’s with me, or the girl that sits in my car until I am SURE that my friend, whom I am meeting for dinner, is already in the door or walking in shortly. Yes, I am THAT girl.
Now for the story…
I had gone shopping in Des Moines 2 times in the days right before Arne and Vanessa arrived, so when they said they wanted to go shopping like the second or third day they were here, I was like ooooh no. I had literally seen the mall up and down and probably could tell you what every store’s inventory was at that point. But, being a good host, I said I would take them. I couldn’t find a friend to go with me and since Ryan had to work, there was no way he could go either.
So, in knowing I was going to be alone that day (unless I wanted to follow Arne and Vanessa around all day like a lost puppy) I had sorted out my plan. My plan for the day was to read for awhile, have lunch, and then go see a movie. Sounds good, right? I have never eaten lunch by myself (in public)—ever. But after reading in my car for awhile and heading in to get lunch, I realized it wasn’t that odd. There were lots of “singles” eating lunch by themselves and nobody seemed to be staring at me like I was an alien or anything. And plus, do I REALLY need someone at my side at all times? Absolutely not. So I went about my merry way and had lunch in my own company...just staring at others. It was not frightening and I did not die from it.
Once that hurdle was crossed and I had eaten lunch, I went to scope out the movies. You know where this is leading…if I’ve never eaten lunch by myself in public, you KNOW I haven’t ever gone to a movie by myself—or ever even let the thought enter my mind! I had it all planned out that I was going to see “Something Borrowed” but it turns out that that particular movie didn’t start until 12:01 AM that following day. UGH. So anyway, the movie starting closest to the current time was “Soul Surfer”. I hadn’t really ever planned on watching it but it didn’t sound absolutely terrible either. So, after building a little bit of confidence and swallowing my insecurities, I headed up to the movie counter.
I asked for my ticket and the girl working said “Just one?” I’m not even going to lie, I was totally embarassed. Here I felt like I was doing something that took confidence and good for myself and then bam! I felt like the weird cat lady that goes out in public alone all the time and doesn’t think it’s weird to show up at a restaurant on Valentine’s day as a single. I mean, come on. I was borderline mortified. I wondered how I made it on God’s crap list that week—maybe I forgot to pray because I was so busy, I don’t know!
So, after being embarrassed and then getting over it and thinking it was somewhat funny, I headed on into the movie. I thought to myself “once I get sat down, no one
will notice that I’m alone for long because they will all be tuned in to the movie”. Well, as I waltzed in (only not really, because I was probably not looking so confident in this moment) I looked around the corner at the seats and NO ONE was there! Seriously, not another soul was in that place. I went from feeling really weird, to even weirder! Was I supposed to stay in there and deal with the eerie feeling of being all alone, like not even with a control guy up in the little box showing the movie, or was I to enjoy that fact that nobody saw me going to a movie alone and hey—its kind of like a private showing, right? Well, I went with the latter. I chose to stay and watch the movie, alone. I kicked off my shoes, left my phone on loud, and even sat in the chair with my feet up :). Not only did I forget I was all alone after a short while, but I also enjoyed the movie and was actually glad I chose that one in particular.
So, after the constant battle with myself that entire day and the whole experience and wondering how I made it on God’s crap list of the week, I realized that was completely the opposite of what was going on. Perhaps, if I looked at it correctly, I would realize that I was to learn/gain/grow from such an experience. And that, I certainly did. I learned (on this particular day) that I am OK alone, I can go do things without a friend, boyfriend, or even a phone call as security blanket and that maybe—just maybe, I gained some confidence in doing so.
Life’s all about experiences, isn’t it?
