loving summer and friends.

The weather has been gorgeous lately besides the last couple of days where it has cooled down and even rained/stormed some. Ryan and I have even laid out and swam twice in the past couple weeks! And I actually thought I got a sunburn one of those days but my skin has been funky this summer already and by nightfall it had turned into a tan; nothing to complain about here!

I just wanted to rewind my life a little bit here and recap what's been going on the past two weeks.

Last week, the 11th-17th, we had Arne and Vanessa staying with us. They are friends from Germany and we only get to see them once every two years, so while they are here I kind of unplug from everything and tune into what they want to do, and things with friends.

Vanessa and I at the races

**For those who may not know the backstory, Arne was a foreign exchange student my Junior year of high school who lived with my then boyfriend and his family. I was over there all the time so of course we became very close. He then went back home that summer following the school year and we went to visit for a couple of weeks as well before school resumed. Ever since then, Arne has been coming back to the US about every 2 years. Then 7 years ago he and Vanessa started dating and he started bringing her back as well. So there's the story!

While they were here we went shopping in DM, grilled out one night, went to the races one night, went up town several nights...things of that nature. It was so nice being able to see them but it seemed so short! Last time they were here a little over 2 weeks so just 6 nights this time seemed to fly by! The good news is they are planning to get married in April of next year and depending on the baby situation and how crazy of a mother I am, we may go to Germany then for the wedding..baby in tow. We'll cross that bridge when we get there :)

They left on Friday morning and then I had a day to recuperate, and then Sunday it was my bestie's Bridal Shower day.

The shower started at 2:00 but all of us girls got there early to setup and have everything ready before the bride and other guests started to arrive. We had lots and lots of food (thank God half of the bridal party likes to cook because Lord knows I don't), 3 games ready, and some summery decorations! I thought it turned out well.

She had lots of people show up and got tons of goodies! I've told everyone the Bridal Shower is one of the best parts of a wedding because you get all the things you feel too guilty buying yourself but have always wanted. :) Anyway, I think the day went well and hope she enjoyed it! Part 1 of Cassie's wedding- Check!

 

Tuesday Ryan and I "celebrated" 8 years together--isn't that crazy?! We didn't do the whole gift thing this year, because...well, I just got a brand new car, we're *trying* to buy a house, we have a baby on the way, etc. etc. etc. but anyway we went to an impromptu lunch that afternoon to celebrate :) And if the weather is crappy all weekend, we may head to DM for a date night instead of to the lake like we had planned :(

So besides the wild week and break from life we had last week, life is back to normal for us this week! Like I mentioned, we were planning on boating this weekend buuuut the weather has other plans, so we're unsure of our Memorial Day Weekend plans. Considering I'm growing a small child, we probably won't do anything too crazy anyway :)

I hope you all have wonderful, fun, and SAFE holiday weekends!! Have a drink for me, please?! :)



**I should also add this past weekend marked 7 years since Chandler has been with us. Everyone on Facebook and Twitter summed it up perfectly with all their sweet comments about him and how much we all miss him, but how lucky we are to have a guardian angel like him looking over us. God could have taken several of us that night but chose him for a reason. Not only was I given a second chance at life that night, but also have been blessed with a guardian angel as well as a chance to reproduce another life and for that, I am so thankful.

giving a pregnancy update.

I haven't been on here for awhile and I've had so many sweet comments and texts that I felt like I better update this little blog of mine a bit about this pregnancy.

 

So what's been going on?

 

Due Date

 

Well, to start with, we got our due date moved forward (or is it back?) 2 days..so I am now due on October 20th. I had a Dr. appt last Monday and with my tummy check and last period both lining up with October 20th, he decided that day should be my due date..not the 22nd like the ultrasound provided, and I'm ok with that! Actually, I am MORE than thrilled about it. To think I am already 17 1/2 weeks is absolutely crazy to me! I know some people love being pregnant (my grandma is one of them!) and say to enjoy this time and take it all in, but I am not one of them. I'm ready for this sweet baby to be here and to no longer feel like I do! These last 17 weeks have undoubtedly been the hardest 17 weeks of my life--not something I want to stretch out :)

 

Morning sickness

 

Going off of the above...if you missed my first post about my morning sickness you can click here. Otherwise, I'm happy to report that I am about where I was when I wrote the last one; I'm not worse, not better. I am MUCH better than I was the first trimester though--thank God. I am still taking my Zofran but not nearly as much as I was and I have even had several days where I've just gotten sick once or twice which is totally doable. We have Arne and Vanessa (from Germany) staying with us and we (they) went shopping all day yesterday in DM and that was definitely rough on me...I even got sick in the parking lot. So I know my body can't handle all day tiring events quite yet but I am making it! Also, I still haven't gained any weight BUT my Dr. was a-ok with it and assured me I was doing fine. Go me!

 

Cravings/Aversions

 

My food aversions haven't changed much--I still can't stand the thought of pasta but off the top of my head, most other things don't make me quite so sick to think about. And I'm not sure my morning sickness is normal because a lot of people say food made them sick and mine is really not food related at all. Which may or may not be a good thing.

 

I hadn't really had cravings until about 2-3 weeks ago and I guess I always underestimated the weirdness of them! I haven't wanted anything totally crazy, like cottage cheese with mustard or something weird like that but I have been craving things I don't normally eat; strawberries, strawberries, and more strawberries! Also green apples (yummy!) and just this week LEMONS! I seriously have eaten 1 1/2 full lemons today..plain! I have to force myself to stop or else I'd cut up more and eat them instead of lunch or dinner. I've never hated these things but never really like them to the extent I do now either. Like, we never even bought these things prior to this. Now we have a shelf full of strawberries and a drawer full of lemons and apples. Weird.

 

On a less healthy note, I've also been liking ice cream once or twice a week as well. I'm not sure if I'm actually craving it or just enjoying it because Ryan likes to get it when we go for a car ride and the weather has been perfect for it, but either way, I've actually been ordering some now where as I never used to. Plain chocolate in a dish :)

 

water with lemon..yummy!

 

 

Girl or Boy?!

 

Eeeeeek!! The question that haunts me in my sleep and consumes my daily thoughts!! We will know in just 2 1/2 weeks whether we are having a boy or girl and I CANNOT WAIT! I am so so excited!! I don't care what this little peanut is, I just want to know so I can get my OCD personality under control and start preparing and buying stuff--and most importantly, come up with a name for this little thing! Aaaah the anticipation makes me squeal. Two...yes TWO people have said a boy and everyone else has said a girl. I'm curious as to who's right!! Ryan and I go back and forth on what we think daily. So, what is your guess?! There is a poll in the right hand corner of this page--take it and let me know your thoughts!! :)

 

My Bod

 

All of my clothes are still fitting but some are definitely tighter than others. My white jeans that have always been pretty snug are definitely a fight to get into at this point. I'm afraid I only have a couple of weeks left with them (I'm not comfortable enough with the whole hair tie around the button thing). Also, today while laying poolside in my swimsuit Ryan comes up and says "Your belly really is getting big, isn't it?!" lol so I guess my belly is getting bigger at this point--I have a feeling that won't slow down :) but I'm ok with it :)

 

 

I've been the queen of telling my friends that my body doesn't even feel like it belongs to me at this point. So many weird things go on that I really had no idea about prior to pregnancy.

• I am going pee soooo often it's crazy!
• My blood sugar gets low very easily..if I haven't snacked for a couple hours I get super shaky.
• I wake up hungry in the middle of the night like I haven't eaten in days!
• I am alwaaaays tired.
• Ryan teases about how often I cry now and says I'm in my "second crymester" :) Sometimes I don't even know why I feel like crying and other times I just cry about a tv show or even thinking about how excited I am to meet this little thing. Or one time it was because we didn't have Poptarts. Oooooh goodness.

But none of these things are bad by any means...just different than what my body is normally! But of course, I'm not normally growing a child either.

 

Pregnancy Journal

 

When I first thought about getting preggo I promised I would write in a journal every couple nights throughout the entire thing and try to document it all. Well, that fell by the wayside a few weeks into it once I got so sick. Not only was I not writing in a journal, but I also wasn't keeping my blog up, so I had no real way of documenting anything. If my tears could tell a story, I'm sure they'd have a 30 chapter book written :) but they can't. So, I saw online this little book called "From Pea to Pumpkin" which is basically a little pre-written type journal and you just fill in your pictures and stories and answer the questions asked week-by-week. Seriously, it turned out to be a lifesaver and the cutest thing! It's a hardcover book which I think will keep great and be something cute to look back upon for baby or myself someday. So if you are considering having a baby I DEFINITELY recommend this!! In fact, I may just get it for my friends in the future who are having babies!

**If you want to check out the pregnancy journal, click here.

Shots, Shots, Shots, Shots, Shots...eeeeeevvverybody!

 



 

I think some of you probably know and some of you don't, but I have to give myself a shot each day with this pregnancy up until 6 weeks post partum. At first it was quite the pain and I had major anxiety about doing it each night, but now I'm basically a pro. I was leaving quite a few bruises at first and wasn't sure what the heck to do and what angle to do it, but now it's a wam-bam-thank you-mam kinda deal and I'm done..and bruise free. I can give them to myself anywhere that has fat (arms, thighs, stomach, etc) but I've only done my tummy so far and it seems to be working so I'll just keep doing that. And no, I haven't let Ryan give me any. 

So that's all I have for ya, folks. We have friends from Germany staying with us this week so we've been busy and then this weekend we have a few graduation parties and also Cass's Bridal Shower!! We are so blessed with so many good things happening!! Oh! I also got a brand spankin' new suv!!! :) Life is good!



Now go take my girl or boy poll in the right hand corner--let me know what you think we're having!

sharing our wedding speeches...4 months later.

I am a little bit behind getting this up here but I thought I would share the speeches given at our wedding with those of you who weren't there.

 

Though everything about that day was so memorable and special, the speeches really stood out as a highlight to me. Everything everyone had to say was so so sweet; it meant a lot to hear such kind things from our family/friends.

 

Enjoy!

 

 

 

on the best and worst diet ever...pregnancy.

SO many people have asked how I am feeling lately (it's only natural to ask a pregnant person, right?) and I don't want to lie and say "wonderful!" but I also don't want to go into details about how sick I am and make it a "poor me" story either. So I figured what better place to type it all out than on my lovely little blog.

Not only will this give details on what's been going on for those of you who may not know, but it will also be a good reminder for me..or even birth control for me in the future ;)

Ok, so when we first found out I was pregnant (just a few weeks in), I was feeling like a million bucks. I mean I was scared out of my mind, but my body felt totally normally. If the tests didn't all say "pregnant" I would have never known.

At about week 5 I started to feel a little nauseous but nothing horrible. I wasn't getting sick or anything, but I distinctly remember one night going out with girlfriends and feeling like I could get sick at any second while waiting on our food. Our food came, I ate, and felt totally fine again. I chalked it up to maybe not eating enough that day.

In my mind I knew this was probably my first pregnancy symptom, but on the other hand I warmly welcomed it because it made it seem more real, if that makes any sense. I've always thought getting sick was part of the deal and it would insure the fact that I was having a healthy, normal pregnancy. So in a weird way I not only was ok with it but also looked forward or even welcomed it. Oooooh how silly I was!

Fast forward just a few days...I was just under 6 weeks and the day it hit me, it REALLY hit me. I think the first day I got sick probably around 10 times. I was so scared at this point, I honestly thought I maybe had the flu or something because it hit me so hard, so fast. Like this definitely was not the "morning sickness" I had read/heard about! Another day came and went and another day and another day..the same thing, every single day. I wasn't running a fever, so I knew it was nothing viral, it was definitely "morning" sickness....only it was all day sickness.

I wasn't eating, I wasn't drinking, yet I was throwing up every half hour or so. It was miserable.

I finally turned to good old Google after a few days and seriously read every single article, babycenter discussion board, blog, you-name-it, there was on morning sickness and tried EVERYTHING listed; eat saltines, never let your belly get empty, don't drink with your meals, no citric foods, snack every couple hours but no big meals, etc. etc. etc. Nothing seemed to be working and I was getting worse.

Finally I went to my Dr. for my first ultrasound at 6 weeks 1 day and told the nurse how miserable I was. She tested my urine and said I had ketones in it and set me up an appt. just a couple days later to check again. She basically said to drink what I could but don't worry about the food because baby was still getting everything it needed from inside me at this point. I went down for my next appointment a few days later and got told the same thing, only that I was VERY dehydrated and had just 12 miserable hours to get my levels back up or I would be put in the hospital. I am not kidding you guys, I did NOT want to be put in the hospital at all but I also thought it might be a better option at this point than being so sick! I was miserable, to say the least. I think I threw up about 5 times just in the car that day...it's a 25 minute drive!

I did what I could that night and drank like 4 Gatorades and some waters. The next morning my sample came back ok and she let me go through the weekend. My next appt was that following week with the specialist in Des Moines and by the time I got there, I was still so sick and was now losing weight. Finally, she suggested I take Unisom and B6 together and see if that helps. I had read about it online but was not about to take medicine without talking to my Dr. first. With her suggestion, we left the Dr.'s office and headed straight to Walgreen's. I immediately took my first "dose" and within 30 minutes, I felt better than I had in weeks. I was exhausted, but I felt better aaaand actually ate a small meal.

I went home, continued taking the Unisom and B6, but noticed I was needing more and it was wearing off REALLY fast after just a couple days. I was also still throwing up upwards of 20some times a day while on it. So it wasn't "curing" my morning sickness, but it was helping me eat, if that makes any sense.

Needless to say I was absolutely miserable. I couldn't go a half hour without getting sick, I couldn't even walk to my couch from the bed without getting sick, I was surrounded with trashcans and toilet paper, I hadn't showered in days, and I obviously could not go to work. To say it felt like the worst flu I have ever had is a HUGE understatement. I would literally lay in bed and cry for hours each day praying that the day would fly by and I could be back to sleep (sleep was the ONLY time I felt any relief). I was literally wishing away time and praying to God that this didn't last my entire pregnancy.

Meanwhile, Ryan was a saint. He was grocery shopping, cleaning the house, cleaning up after me, and even holding my hair or switching garbage bags while I was getting sick. I seriously owe him the world and have no idea how I would have gotten through all of this without him. There were SO many times I know it took it's toll on him and he would sit in the living room watching me get sick and feel so helpless...to say it didn't affect him would be a lie.

This sounds absolutely crazy but just to put you in my mind for a second...I was on the Ipad so much in bed for the first few weeks of this that I seriously grew an aversion to even the Ipad. I would look at it and it would make me feel sick. I think my mind had somehow correlated the Ipad with being sick and I didn't touch it for weeks.  So bizarre.

Finally realizing that this was totally not normal, I ended up going back to the hospital and since I was so sick and had lost so much weight, I was put on a prescription medicine and told I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum--basically, extreme morning sickness. I had read a lot about it online but was also very hesitant about being on ANY medication, especially one that is known to cross the placenta but my Dr. assured me I was causing much more stress to the baby being so sick than the medication would. I gave in and started taking the medicine immediately. (Zofran)

Instantly, I started to feel relief. It worked in much the same way as the Unisom did, only it lasted a little longer and wasn't a sleeping pill, so it wasn't knocking me out like the Unisom was. So basically I was still getting sick often (though not as much) but it increased my appetite, allowing me to hopefully start taking in more nutrients than what was coming up. I was taking the Zofran every six hours around the clock...yes, even in the middle of the night and despite still getting sick and losing weight, I did start to feel better.

A lot of days were still horrible and no matter how much Zofran I took, puking 30 times a day (on a bad day) was still happening, but other days were good and I was keeping it at around 10. During these few weeks (7-12) I kind of became more accustomed to it and could deal with it better. I still wasn't able to drive myself anywhere because I didn't trust myself going down a highway and getting sick and even had to lie to friends if they needed a ride saying I was sick (kinda true, right?) but I was definitely dealing with it.

Ryan and I would take lots of baggies anywhere I went..dr appts, etc, make sure I had my Zofran with me, and I would only buy or eat foods that I knew would be a) smooth coming up and b) didn't taste so bad coming up. Cocoa puffs were always a good option as they tasted the same coming up, while apples or prunes have been the worst coming up to date. Dis.gus.ting.

After a few weeks of praying, praying, praying, not eating, losing weight, and lots of help from Ryan, I can finally say I am MUCH better. This last week is best I've felt, which gives me hope that next week will be even better! I'm obviously way into my second trimester by now which also brought back energy--so I'll take that too! I still get sick a few times a day and some are worse than others, but it is so minor now that I hardly even think about it at this point. It just happens and I go about my business. I'm not sure I'd go on vacation or anything wild like that, but I can drive a car, go to a movie, and get out of bed on a daily basis--heck, I even just signed a contract to teach summer school through the college this summer, so clearly I'm feeling MUCH better. All which have totally turned this thing around. It also gives me hope for future children we may have; we BOTH were certain this would be our only if this kept up.

I also have found out what works for me and what doesn't, which helps the process...

• I will always get sick while showering. I haven't showered one time without getting sick. Literally.
• Any time I feel hot or overheated I will get sick--this might explain the shower thing though I'm not sure.
• The thought/smell/sight of pasta does it every time. Just typing that makes me queasy!
• Getting too hungry causes it so I eat every 4 or so hours around the clock--yes, even in the middle of the night Ryan wakes me up and I eat.
• If I am exhausted the day before and get to bed late, my next day is miserable.
• Saltines don't work. As much as I appreciate everyone's advice to eat saltines, HG is far beyond "try to eat saltines before you get out of bed"
• "Preggie Pops" are just hard candy and a waste of money--I ordered them offline because I was so desperate...what a joke. As you probably guessed, they don't work.
• Eating a yogurt or carbs before bed DOES work..it seriously helps me sleep and wake up feeling better!
• I still take a Unisom every single night before bed, and will take a Zofran when I wake up, but I am no longer taking Zofran every 6 hours around the clock. There have even been a couple days where I have not taken any at all. I'm trying to make that an EVERY DAY thing.

So there is where I stand with this morning sickness diet; I wouldn't wish it on my worst nightmare! But on the otherhand, some women would be sick for 9 years to have a child of their own, and I know that I am blessed beyond words. I have a healthy little peanut growing inside me, and a wonderful husband to hold my hair when I'm hanging out of his car getting sick on the way to a company dinner :) Not everyone gets to experience that.

a slacker.

Aaaaah Audrie...the worst blogger alive! I have been TERRIBLE at keeping this thing up-to-date! I always promise I'll get better but we all know that's not true...so I suppose I will just apologize and keep it at that :).

I just wanted to get everyone caught up on what Ryan, myself, and the girls have been up to lately and what's new in our lives...

First and foremost....still no baby bump. I have still been losing weight (or at least not gaining any at this point) due to my HG so I'm not sure if that affects it or not but there is certainly nothing to show. The only thing I've noticed is that the top half of my belly is now really hard, even when I'm sitting down and I definitely can't suck it in anymore.

I should also apologize for the messy bedrooms but in all reality, I'm not sorry. I can barely get off the couch without getting sick--cleaning is not an option at this point! A shower is a rare commodity.

The last weekish I've been working on getting stuff ready for this girl's wedding festivities!

 

 

Awhile ago we ordered and received our tanks for the Bachelorette party...

 

 

And this week we got EVERYTHING done for the bridal shower already...I think. PB and I got invites stuffed and sent out this week and I got all the details about who's bringing what taken care of which is a huge relief. It is all coming together!! Only a few more weeks until the first party!

Oh! I also failed to mention I celebrated my 26th birthday earlier this month!! It fell on a Monday so I didn't do anything too wild--myself and 4 girlfriends went to dinner..no drinks for this lady. :( But it was nice to catch up with everyone and chit chat with friends. I haven't been able to do much with this stupid HG--literally haven't even gone out to eat except to lunch once where I ordered a salad--so it was nice to get out and about as well!

 

A few weeks ago I also went to the races with the boys. Ryan was working and one of them asked if I'd be interested in going so I was all about it. I hadn't been out of the house in WEEKS at this point so I doubled up on my Zofran and made the trip. I had so much fun..who woulda thought?! Now Nate keeps calling me a "pitmom" and saying I'm having a "Race baby" lol it doesn't get much more redneck than that, does it? And J got 4th!!

 

Ryan and I also attended the JDRF benefit a couple weekends ago. We had a lot of fun and got some goodies while doing so! They served dinner (with free alcohol), had a comedian/magician, and did an auction. We ended up buying a family portrait session and Ryan's dad also bought me a beauty basket full of cosmetics/body washes/etc that I had my eye one but was too exhausted to stay late to bid on...and Ryan may or may not have been drunk and bidding on dumb items so I made him leave as well :)

 

I don't have any pictures from it, unfortunately, but here is a video they played at the beginning and are using to raise money for research. If you have the time and funds, definitely watch it and go donate!!

 

 

 

The weather was nice for a few days so Dezi and I laid out when we could but then it suddenly got cold/wet/icky again and we've been stuck inside ever since. This dreary weather also means Ryan golf game is non existent at this point which I hate. Though I don't golf, I like to drive the cart with him, drink bloody marys on the clubhouse deck,  and watch him play as I know he loves it.

 

 

Ryan took this picture from inside and sent it to me! What a creep.
 

I would love to say that this is Ryan playing Wii or something...but, it is not. He is seriously golfing along with the Master's on television this past weekend. THAT is how bad he is missing golf!

Dezi and Bella got their hair cut last week...they are certainly ready for summer! When I went to pick them up she had them out running around like they owned the place and said Dezi wouldn't leave the cats alone and Bella wouldn't leave her (the groomer's) side. That basically sums up their personalities!

 

And lastly, Ryan and I have officially started the search for a new home. I love our house now and we are certainly not in a huge hurry to get out, but we do need more space (this home is only 3 bedrooms, meaning baby will have one, we have one, leaving just 1 guest room). We need to move on to bigger and better things--literally! :)

 

 

So that's where we are at with life right now!! We've been married almost 4 months now and I'm almost 14 weeks preggo at this point! Life is good...and I need to get to bed before I fall asleep in this chair!

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!!

PS-I got rid of my GFC connect thing and will not be joining Bloglovin or anything of that sort..I am trying to get this back to friends and family only without making it private! Sorry Charlie! 

going to be a mommy!! (cont.)



If you missed yesterday's post, click here.

YES! We are expecting a little one October 22nd.

This was our first ultra sound at 6 weeks, 1 day

6 weeks, 1 day

Just for my own sake, I am going to recap this little story here about how it all happened--well, you know how it happened ;) but the other deets. Some of this is a little personal and maybe too "girly" for some of you, so if you're offended by "girl things" I wouldn't read any further!

Moving on...

We have planned on trying for kids right after our wedding for a long time now. We would kind of bounce around the idea of when exactly, but knew it would be sometime soon--as did everyone else we talk to. So right around our wedding day (just a few days before) I was due to ovulate and we REALLY considered trying then. After talking to my cousin who assured me our entire family is as fertile as can be, and thinking about our wedding in a few days and the boozing that goes along with that--plus our 2+ weeks in Bora Bora to follow, I realized that probably was not good timing. Alcohol would be a big no no obviously, but I also wanted to take sleeping pills on the long plane rides and didn't know if that would affect anything, so alas, we decided against it and said we'd try in January instead.

Well we got home from our trip and I started having mixed emotions about children suddenly. I wasn't sure if THIS summer was going to be ideal for being preggo and thought maybe we should wait. An hour later, I wished I was already pregnant. I was like this for WEEKS; literally back and forth every 5 minutes.

In the meantime, since I was so unsure, I went ahead and scheduled a consultation with my OBGYN to just go over things and make sure it was ok to begin trying (that's the responsible thing to do, right?) and also started taking prenatals.

And since clearly I had no real idea of what I wanted, I literally prayed every single night that God would just make the decision for me. Either I am ready to have kids or I am not. My life is missing something or it is not--either way, I knew the decision he made would be exactly what I needed and I would be completely satisfied with either, honestly. I know that may sound so bizarre to some people but he hasn't steered me wrong yet, so why not ask for guidance in this too?

So we tried; one month.

As Kanye would say "I've been talking to God for so long that if you look at my life I guess he's talking back" haha you didn't think I'd quit with the gansta rap did you?!

Anyway, God had apparently made a decision for me, just as I had prayed for. I was due to start my period on February 10th and with no signs of it rearing it's miserable head on the day it was due (I am usually like clockwork) I knew something was up. I already had a gut feeling, but this made it reallllly sink in. I asked Ryan to stop by the store on the way home from work that night and buy pregnancy tests.

Since I knew we'd be trying for a couple months, I told him to buy one big pack of one brand (as in 20 Clear Blue or something) and then a single of another brand, just in case one said positive I could test with another brand.

Well, he got home and I just couldn't stand the thought of waiting until my "morning pee" to test so I just did it. I opened up a box and realized something wasn't right..these looked different. HE HAD BOUGHT A FERTILIZATION KIT. Oooooh my goodness, I think we laughed for 20 minutes. He was SO proud of himself for picking out exactly what I had asked for and even told me he looked at them for like 10 minutes to make sure he got the right thing. Hahah, boys, boys, boys. Clearly this fertilization kit wasn't going to do me any good but he had bought another brand of pregnancy tests and this was actually right so I tested away.

In the mean time, I had always wanted to set up a video camera to "capture the moment" so I went to get our camera out and set it up. The battery was still dead on it from our honeymoon and after searching for our other camera (that was still in my carry on) and not being able to find it, I finally gave up and thought surely it won't show positive the first time we've ever tried anyway; we'll get it on video the next time. Ha!

So since we don't have a video to relive this, I will try to describe it to the best of my recollection. And yes, I cried for DAYS about that video not working and still am tearing up just thinking about not having it :(

Anyway....

I walked into the bathroom a few short minutes later and just as clear as could be, the test read "pregnant".

In a panic, I instantly turned off the bathroom light and started saying "Ryan! Oh my God!" over and over and over. I had my hands over my mouth and was in complete and utter shock. I remember him saying "Aud don't tease me!" and I was trying to get the words out that I wasn't teasing but they just weren't coming out. He walked back to the bathroom, switched on the light and said "You're pregnant?! Oh my God!" I instantly put my head into his chest, hands to eyes, and just started bawling.

I'm not even sure why I was crying exactly, but I kept telling him how scared I was. Looking back now, I think it was definitely a mixture of scared, excited, happy, nervous, anxious, every emotion possible all bottled up into one life changing second that was pouring out as tears and showing up as "pregnant" on a Clear Blue.

Look how dark that first line is on the bottom test...holy hormones!! This was just on day ONE of a missed period :S

He kept wiping away my tears and telling me everything was going to be ok all while trying to contain his own emotions. It was definitely an emotional moment in this household.

The rest of the night was spent in utter panic I think. I was literally freaking myself out and causing stomach cramps from being so nervous. I mean, IIII am the girl who literally was hyperventilating for HOURS because I thought I lost a tampon inside me and then went to the hospital only to find out I had never put one in. (This was only a year ago hahah) So to think a BABY was growing inside my stomach was completely unfathomable at this point.

I mean, yes, I was excited, and yes, it was exactly what we had hoped for, but you can never really plan for the moment that it actually happens.

For the next few days I would go from over the moon excited, to absolutely scared to death. I downloaded an app on my Ipad and then refused to look at it anymore because it didn't look like a child at this point and I was scared to see what my body was doing--I'm that illogical. I also bought MORE pregnancy tests and took several of them, just to be sure (crazy much?) and I also consumed my nights with too much television to take my mind off of what my body was doing.

During this time I also got several of my Dr. appointments set up. This is a "high-risk" pregnancy (due to a blood disease) which basically means I am seeing two different Dr's...I am seeing my regular OBGYN and also a Perinatal Dr. in DM--who I sooooo don't mind seeing, he is GORGEOUS ;) I was sweating just looking at him the first time we met :)

So after a few days/close to a week and several gallons worth of tears, the nervousness started to wear off and excitement began to set in. My best friend bought me a "What to Expect When You're Expecting" book that made everything seem more normal--there are actually other women out there who are scared too, weird huh? And Ryan was as supportive and positive as he could possibly be which helped tremendously.

So I kept busy and was finally seeing past the weirdness of something growing in my belly, and realizing that we would have a baby in our arms within 9 months--how crazy is that? Something we had talked about and dreamed of for years--only it was really happening...now.

And when you get to hear and see your baby's heartbeat at just 6 weeks and 1 day old, you realize how crazy this entire thing is and just how blessed you really are...

**I tried putting the video up but I don't know how to edit all my personal information off of it, so instead I put up a short video of the heartbeat i took the other night (at over 12 weeks) using my at home doppler I bought--seriously the best purchase ever! I listen to this little one every morning when I wake up and every night before bed.

I can honestly say I never in a million years would have thought my life would be THIS perfect. I realize nothing is ever perfect and maybe I'm naive to think this way, but it seems pretty perfect right now and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Everything I have wished for, prayed for, and dreamt of is unfolding exactly the way I had hoped. This year, this moment, is the best moment of my life.

pregnant!!

I am SO SO excited to share our great news with you....

Ryan and I are expecting a baby in October!!

 

Seriously, this has been the hardest thing to keep quiet about, but now that I am officially through my first trimester we are sharing with everyone!

We found out in the wee morning hours of February 11th that we have a little one on the way. I have done everything possible to keep quiet and deflect any attention away from not drinking/going out/etc. but I know some of you already had your suspicisons...and we're right :). We will be welcoming this little one into the world on October 22nd and couldn't be more excited! :)

I will type up more details in the next couple days but wanted to share the good news for now!! :)

 

 

**is it really weird that ever since I started this blog I have thought about the day I would post that we're expecting a child?! I'm weird.

talking student loans.

Aaaah the ever dreaded word. Does it make you cringe? Because it definitely makes me cringe. If you're 1 of about 37 million people in America with student loan debt, I'm going to go out on a limb and assume you cringe at the word as well...probably on a monthly basis.

So, before I scare you all off with my honesty, I want to let you know that is post is semi-personal so if you're offended by that, I would quit reading it. I wrote it because a few girls and I were talking about this over girls night one night (lol to anyone who thought we just gossiped :) ) so I KNOW there are lots of you out there dealing with the same thing and I want to know how you cope and what you think about college/student loans/children/etc. Any feedback is appreciated!

To begin, I'm obviously writing this because Ryan and I write a HUGE check each month to pay back our student loans. We will be writing this huge check for several years to come-- and it sucks. I'm going to rewind a little bit and tell you how it happened and then tell you how we are dealing with it.

While in school, we did not have the luxury of having our parents pay for our schooling--which I realize millions of people don't--which essentially left us the option of taking out student loans to pay for our schooling. It seems like everyone else does it, and while you're young and in the process, you automatically assume you'll get a (high paying) job immediately afterwards and those loans will melt away. Well, we were wrong. And now we both realize it--$80,000 later. (not a piece, thank God!)

To say I/we went overboard with taking out loans or anything like that would be completely unfair. I think I literally took our more than I needed only one time and that was my first semester of college and I basically had no idea what I was doing at that point. They offered a set amount, I accepted them all, and was given some money in return. Besides that small amount, I never took out more than what was needed to cover the basics and the last few semesters, we even paid for our books out of pocket. And to my knowledge, Ryan never took out more than what was needed either. So no, we never went crazy taking out student loans to pay for mug night at Brother's or anything ridiculous like that. We took out what was offered to pay our tuition and fees and nothing more.

Now, and for the last couple years, those student loans have been our worst nightmare. To say we could live a completely different lifestyle without them is a huge understatement. The money we pay each month towards student loans could literally go into a retirement fund for us and make the future seem much less scary. It could go towards a new house payment. It could go to our future children's college funds. It could go towards new furniture, a new car, and STILL give us left over to put into any of the above. All things we so desperately need it to go towards. But it doesn't; it can't.

Now, to put this into an even better perspective for you...combined, Ryan and I are paying over $1000 a month to student loans. Literally people, that is more than most people's house payment in this town!  By the time they are all paid off, we will have paid somewhere close to $35,000 in interest. Just thinking about it gives me major anxiety. To say I want nothing more than for our student loans to disappear is a huge understatement.

But we are trying.

We faithfully pay our student loans each month, on time, and still have food to eat for dinner and a roof over our heads. Heck, we even have money left over for a date night every now and then ;). But seriously, we ARE paying them...and on time. So I guess we are surviving.

And just as a closer...

I think the stress of paying back our student loans every month for years to come has made me think several things I never thought I would say/feel about education...

• paying back our student loans definitely alters our lifestyle drastically, and not in the way we had hoped prior to attending college and thinking about our future
• it isn't fair that a secretary with no schooling or an ex-con working at a warehouse makes more money than a teacher who worked his/her butt off to get her degree AND pay for it
• Private colleges are the biggest no-no...(unless you're on a full-ride scholarship for sports or something)
• When a student tells me they want to go out of state to college I literally cringe thinking about their future in payments and it's hard to muster up a "Yeah! You should totally go for it!" when I know they have NO idea what student loans after the fact are like--because, lets be honest, everyone thinks they will graduate and get a high-paying job, right? You're going to college, why wouldn't you?! HA!
• Unless you plan on doing something huge--like becoming a Dr.--it isn't worth it.

Kids & Student Loans Don't Mix

 

I was going to leave this part for another day, but since I'm already on one about it...

As mentioned above, Ryan and I do struggle with student loan debt but we are surviving. What I'm more concerned about than even that (if you can believe that), is our children. I once saw a thing that said children born today will have to pay about 250k to go to a public university for 4 years. Now, whether or not this is true is one thing, but hoping for the best but preparing for the worst, lets assume it is.

First of all, a 4 year degree in 20+ years will probably be the equivalent of a high school diploma; meaning every new hire almost anywhere will be required to have one. So, the cost of going above that to obtain a Master's or PHD would put the cost even higher, but lets let my anxiety settle for just a minute.

HOW ON EARTH ARE WE GOING TO SAVE $250,000 DOLLARS--PER CHILD---PER CHILD--TO GO TO COLLEGE?!

Clearly, it is absolutely unattainable. I realize that if we were to have 4 children, having a million dollars in savings strictly for our children's college fund is very unlikely to happen. So we will do what we can. But even that is scary; say we have 50k saved for each child, how will they stay afloat after college with 200k in loans looming over their heads?! It just seems like an evil trick, doesn't it?! It absolutely terrifies me.

Ryan has said even on several occasions that if our kids want to go to college--that he will not pay for it until they have a set plan of what exactly they want to do--and that job must pay more than the loans required to obtain it. Teacher? Think again. Communication major? No way. Oh, you want to study history? Sounds like a hobby, try again.

It makes me feel like starting a family with debt seems like an irresponsible thing to do and I hate that because it certainly doesn't take away from my ability to parent--do you see why I stress out over this on a normal basis?!

Ryan and I have talked, and talked, and talked, about this and what we can do to help them out and I think for now, with our own loans still in full-swing, the only reasonable thing is to try to save for them when possible, and to also have family members contribute when possible--birthdays, Christmases, First Communion, etc. especially when they're young and won't notice they didn't get a toy or outfits to open. And lets be honest, those 3 outfits they could have for Christmas one year could be a house payment for them in 30 years...I'm sure they'd much rather have that and will never remember the outfit they outgrew in 3 months. Do any of you ask family to do this instead of presents??


So please, someone, ANYONE, answer me this:

How do you deal with student loans?

 

Do you have any recommendations for us?

 

Are you as terrified as I am about your children's loans?

 

Do you have a fund set up for your children already?

 

Do you also feel the same way we do about schooling vs pay out not being worth it in the end?

**Wordless Wednesday**

retelling the story of the worst date I've ever been on.

Since I have never shared this story on my blog and very few people have probably ever heard it, I figured today was a great day to share it with all of you.

So lets rewind to this horrible, terrible, no good, very bad date, shall we?

My friends and I had always been friends with the older kids boys because, well, they had cars and liked to party. We didn't have cars (license), but liked to party as well. Match made in heaven. But once they had graduated high school and all of us got into other relationships, the friendships we once had with them kind of fell by the way side. We would only hang out once in a blue moon when they were home for holiday breaks or whatever.

Well the Christmas of my senior  year all of the guys had come home from college and one of them was having a party--we were obviously there. I had dated the same guy all through high school but as fate would have it, I was newly single at this point. Throughout the night, I kind of started to "click" with one of the guys who I had always just been friends with but didn't think much about it really.

But before I knew it we were talking/texting regularly and as months went by, it kind of got to the point of maybe we should go on a date. I knew he was up at college in Iowa City though and he knew I was fresh out of a relationship so neither of us were expecting much out of it--thank God.

We talked about going to a movie one weekend when he would be home, because you know--he was way too cool to come home JUST for a date with a high school girl--and set a date.

For some reason, I was so nervous the entire day. Finally the evening came and with the date still on, I began to get ready. I don't remember what time I was supposed to be ready exactly, but lets just say I waited....and waited...and waited.

Finally I text him to see what was going on..was this guy seriously ditching me? I mean, I could have been out with my friends this entire time!

He said he "had a problem" and asked if I could pay my own way into the movie theater. I was so frustrated and so confused I wanted to just say "no, forget it" BUT I had already gotten ready for this date, been waiting on him all night, and ditched my friends for the night so I unhappily said yes and about 20 minutes later he finally showed up to get me.

As I got in the car, he told me what had happened. He had gotten money from his parents for the night and upon doing so, promised his mom he would clean out his car before taking someone on a date. He went TO THE GAS STATION to clean out his car, came home, got ready, and realized he no longer had the money. He looked everywhere and couldn't find it, even going back to the gas station and digging through the garbage there thinking he had thrown it away when he cleaned out his car. With his parents being out of town at this point, he had no other option but to finally ask me if I could pay.

Why wouldn't he just use his debit card you might ask? Well, being the really responsible 21 year old that he was, he had gone out on his 21st birthday just awhile before this incident and gotten so drunk that he passed out on a deck of some strangers house while his friend was inside. Some kids walked by, realized he was incoherent, stood him up, took his wallet, laid him back down, and took off. He came to as they were taking off but was in no state to chase them so he yelled for his friend and his wallet was looong gone. So he didn't have a new debit card yet.

Still annoyed, but kind of laughing/feeling bad for him at this point, I shrugged it off and figured the rest of the night would be as smooth as a babies bottom.

Oh how wrong I was.

We were obviously late to the movie, and apparently in 2005 "The Ring 2" (romantic, eh?) was a popular choice and literally were left with only one option. Two seats in the top row.

Once we sat down and began watching, I began noticing a drip on my leg. One, two, three, four...continuing dripping. THE CEILING WAS LEAKING ON ME.  Before I knew it, I had a huge wet spot on my leg and it wasn't like I could just sit a different way and avoid the drops...there was no getting around it. So as the movie continued, so did the dripping.

Instead of offering to switch me seats, give me something to help deflect it, or even leave, this kid put his hand on it for awhile and then just acted like it wasn't happening. My inner demon child was coming out at this point.

Once the movie was over and we were walking out, he assured me we could exit through the "EXIT" door in that particular theater...you know, the one made for emergencies?! I told him I didnt' think you were supposed to, but probably being embarrassed of my wet spot, he did anyway and was SURE that our car was right where we were exiting. He was wrong.

As we got back in the car and made the 25 minute drive home I wanted to be invisible. I didn't want to talk to him, ride home in the car with him, or ever even see him again. It was a complete nightmare and a date I wished had never happened. I mean, my friends were probably 6cd's and a case of beer deep at this point. While I was paying to get rained on.

We then got home and HE ASKED IF I WANTED TO HANG OUT FOR AWHILE. Psssht.

I remember walking into my room and sitting on the corner of my bed and just crying. I really didn't expect much to come of it, and obviously had no plans to marry this kid, but I didn't expect one of the first dates I had ever been on to be such a complete flop either. I vowed to never speak to him again from that point forward.




......





8 years later, I married him. And he's been paying for dates ever since.

posting my last honeymoon recap! {Bora Bora cont.}

As the title states, this is my last honeymoon recap. Secretly I'm sad I no longer have anything to write about it because I was trying to relive it all through these posts :( but I'm also secretly happy that I have most of the pictures up and posts are all written now!

Moving along... If you missed Part 1 (click here), Part 2 (click here), Part 3 (click here) or Part 4 (click here). Otherwise..here we go.

Last time I mentioned that I would recap a couple of activities that we did while we were there; I would have put them in the last post but it was entirely too long as is and I felt like a couple of them needed extra space! So here we are.

We went on this honeymoon VERY flexible. Though it was possible to buy and book excursions ahead of time for cheaper rates, we honestly didn't know what we would feel like doing, so we didn't plan anything! Once we got there and got a feel for things, we made decisions. And just as a little piece of info...Bora Bora is very relaxed and known for being so calm, therefore there are literally less than 10 things you can do here--excursions, tours, etc.. It is definitely not for active people or people who like excursions all day, every day. Luckily, we are not those people :)

 

Polynesian Dance on the Beach

The first "activity" we did just a couple nights into it was attend a Polynesian dance on the beach. The dance was scheduled at 8:00pm so after spending the afternoon and evening laying out and swimming, then eating a quick dinner, we got all dolled up and headed into the beach.

Once there, we grabbed a seat on the steps where they had laid pads down and waited as everyone else filed in to watch. At about show time, I'd say there were only about 30 of us..so it was perfect and intimate.

Then the dance started...

These girls were SOOOO good!! They sure could shake their rumpas!! It was mesmerizing and fascinating to watch and they certainly kept us entertained the entire time.

It lasted about 45 minutes or so and afterwards they wanted all the women and men to come to the front and grab a partner and they would teach you then you would perform in front of everyone. It was so fun to watch everyone else..even some younger kids (about 10-12) got up and did it. So cute!

After all the fun on the beach and sand in our toes we called it a night. I didn't learn how to shake my rumpa quite like them but was so happy we went. It was a neat experience!

Jet ski Island Tour

So after a couple of days of being there and the weather being absolute perfection, we decided we wanted to do the jet ski excursion. Basically you rent a jet ski (or two if you each want your own) and you go out and take an all afternoon tour around the island with a tour guide and other jet skis--whoever signed up. They take you on the innerside of the reef where the hotels are, as outside it would be quite boring and probably too rough/dangerous. It looked fun and we saw other people doing it a couple days and signed ourselves up for the afternoon session early one morning!

After spending the afternoon doing our thing, we arrived to the beach that afternoon when scheduled and our tour guide already had our jet ski's ready for us. After getting everyone fitted for life jackets, he gave us a quick 30 second instruction with a couple hand signals and told us to get on. I chose to ride with Ryan as we didn't need our own jet skis, and also because I would probably be too scared alone anyway :)

Crazy hair, don't care!

After everyone was on theirs, we took off. We took off going left from our hotel and over the next few hours, we encircled the entire volcano, riding across the smoothest and clearest water.

 

The water look very shallow in most parts but I assure you it is not. The visibility of it just makes it appear that way, it is actually quite deep! The VERY deep parts, however, do have a different shade to them...a darker blue and you can literally see where it changes colors almost like a line has been drawn. It is crazy.

This is completely unedited..you can see where the water depth/color changes

We would stop periodically to look at things such as the city of Vaitape which is located on the bottom of the volcano, and we also stopped near other landmarks and hotels. The tour guide would explain things to us and off we would go again!

The last little stop we did was on a very shallow and warm sand bar. It was basically like our hotel beach but wasn't near any hotels or anything so it was very calm and serene. He also cut up a coconut for us all here too--Ryan LOVED the fresh coconut everywhere but I'm not, and never have been, a coconut fan. The whole experience of the sandbar in the middle of nowhere reminded me of Gilligan's Island though :)

After relaxing here for awhile and then getting back on the jet skis, we arrived back to our hotel a few hours after leaving. We were both semi-burnt on the tops of our knees and tops of our feet but we had so much fun. It was definitely the most fun activity we did while there and I would recommend it to anyone, plus our tour guide was great!

Romantic Dinner on the Beach

 

 

The last "activity" I wanted to post about was a dinner on the beach. We actually had this scheduled for Tuesday and I had no idea it was Tuesday so we got ready and went on Wednesday. Upon arrival they basically told us they had no idea what we were talking about so we felt a little discouraged and went back to our bungalow only to realize I had totally messed it up and should have double checked things ;) whoops! Anyway, it was no big deal and we rescheduled it for the next night and it ended up working out perfectly that way.

 

So basically we spent our day doing the normal thing and then showed up at the hotel's restaurant that night, ready for our dinner.

 

I LOVE the back of this dress. So feminine and sexy :)

 

They led us out to our setup and we had a table with these who huge straw seats made for a king set up all by itself. The table was set so beautifully and had the most gorgeous view I have ever seen. Seriously, it was breathtaking.

 

We had a seat and were given our personalized menus.

 

 

We were then served hot bread and butter, an option of a few different wines, plus (glass) bottled water.

 

 

Our dinner then started...it was a 5 course meal and actually the first 5 course meal I had ever had. Sheltered child, I suppose :)

 

 

I liked a few things; LOVED one, and didn't care for a few things but picked at them anyway. We talked, laughed, and stared at the view. It was the most romantic thing we have ever done, honest to God. I felt like we were all alone on a beach/island and loved every minute of it.

 

After dinner we got a small desert each--it was basically a chocolate lava cake with coffee ice cream and some fruits. It was great, then we talked awhile longer as the sun set completely and we could no longer see the mountain, only stars.

 

We decided to call it a night and headed back to our bungalow, bellies full!

 

 

So there were our few activities we really enjoyed--all very different, but all awesome. Overall, our trip was nothing short of amazing. I told Ryan several times that it was literally the happiest I had ever felt in my entire life. The stress of the wedding was completely gone and we had absolutely not a care in world for 2 weeks. It is an amazing feeling and one I could have never gotten at home. The views, activities, and serenity of Bora Bora was certainly what made it what it was...everything we imagined. If anyone ever gets the chance to go and experience this, we would recommend it time and time again. I think EVERYONE deserves that feeling.

 

And, as cliche as it may sound, there was no one else in the world I would have rather have spent the time with...I am more in love today with Ryan than I ever have been and hope to continue to grow on that for the rest of my life.